Skeletons in my closet

Okay, I have to admit it, sorting things is one of my favourite past times. I just feel so much more relaxed when things are organised. Labled, filed, alphabeticalized or even colour coded, it is how my things must be. So why had I let my wardrobe become such a state?  As with all of my current conundrums, one word comes to mind: ED. Typical, takes over my life and my wardrobe. I wouldn’t mind if someone amazing took hold of my wadrobe, such as Gok Wan, whom I adore for his emphasis on positive body image when he is giving someone a makeover, but no, ED has no such attributes. Truthfuly speaking,  my wardrobe was did contain some gorgeous items, but I didn’t wear them because they no longer fit, or my disordered thoughts gad led me to believe that  I could not wear it, without breaking down. Sigh.

Best tights ever.

A few months ago, I would have regularly put outfits together such as this. I think, after my relapse was recognised, and I was threatened with readmission, my ED kind of took over. In a strange way it kind of got worse. My eating habits may be a bit better than in this photo, but my social and self esteem skills have plummeted. This lead me to retreat to faithful track pants. When I bought the first pair, they were simply designed for ‘relaxing whilst looking okay’ as they are more fashion than practicality. Eventually, they have crept in and taken over, in several colours. This is fine all the time it is summer, but the second school commences, track pants are no longer allowed every day, I can maybe get away with them once or twice a week, but school has some odd clothing rules.

But every time I opened my wardrobe, I simply couldn’t bring myself to put something else on. I would stand and think of loads of gorgeous outfits I could put together, which were swiftly followed by a stream of ED thoughts. Either ‘that would be too tight’ or ‘if you lost XX lbs that would look so much nicer’.

Image courtesy of (anyone care to go over links with me please?)

So, 3 charity bags and a bin liner later, as well as hundreds of clothes to be packed away for better days (and a more suitable climate) my wardrobe was ready to be rebuilt. I think I see this in the same way that I see most of my other behaviours, in the same way I am being taught to nourish myself, I will have to re-learn how to dress myself, sans negative thoughts. Seeing as I’m not at my goal weight yet, I am not able to buy a complete new wardrobe, because filling the wardrobe of a seventeen year old girl should not involve age 11 clothes. My Mum just wouldn’t allow it. On the contrary, she thinks a few, nice pieces that do not completely drown me would be useful for my self esteem and body image.  Thus, the list was born, so we had to tackle it!

The list included basics, such as smart trousers, knitwear (I love autumn) and warm tops. It also included some more precise items, such as something to wear to the first one of my friends eighteenth birthday parties. I thought I had ages until any of my friends became adults (!!) but apparently not. So, because the main centre would have been heaving today (bank holiday weekend) we decided to go to some charity shops in the nicer parts of town.

I fuelled myself with lunch before leaving, as shopping is such hard work!

Grilled bean and broccoli wrap. Perfect for cold days.

Purchase number one, in the first shop we went in to!

Apologies for the terrible picture!

This dress is perfect for the party, it is long enough to cover a large percentage of my legs, and is cut nicely so that it doesn’t cling, which makes me more comfortable. It was also only £15, looks like its hardly been worn and is originally from topshop! Perfect. I already have the perfect shoes to go with it, outfit sorted! In the same shop I also bought a really sweet cardigan for wearing to work, which is short sleeved, as I can’t have sleeves because of hygiene reasons.

Purchase number two, slightly more impulsive

It may not have been on the list, but at £6.99, I couldn't refuse it

I already own a perfectly good watch, but I love this film far too much. I also got some books, a beading magazine, and my mum got a skirt and top! Really quite successful!

Well, all in all we were out for about two hours, although we did go to costco in that time! We came home to cook dinner for everyone. No one in my house thinks much of quinoa, so they had their chilli with rice.

Quinoa veggi-chilli scramble. This time I cooked the quinoa plain, and then added the veggie-chilli at the end.

Okay, its getting towards bedtime! I know this post is really random, and I will probably  keep on adding to the random pictures of purchases!

How do you guys target problems with body image/dressing yourselves?

Do you live in a household where everyone eats differently?


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3 responses to “Skeletons in my closet

  1. Juliette

    ED imposes us such a stupid ideas, I am glad you went shopping for new clothes, you will look great in your new beautiful dress.
    I have always great outfits in my mind, and then, when it comes to actually wear the clothes, I feel so ugly/fat. I change my mind something like 7 or 8 times and finally I always wear the same combinations of clothes. Stupid ED. Hopefully we’ll learn to love our body.
    In my family I am the only vegetarian. My father loves to eat meat, he wants to eat it as much as possible. My mother goes crazy sometimes, but now I work at evening and I’m never home for dinner.
    The quinoa looks sooo yummy!! ^^

  2. been and broccoli wraps are so perfect for shopping days. anyone who knows anything about shopping, knows the energy it takes hehe ❤

    one of the best ways for anyone to hear ED's thoughts are to walk into ur closet and start trying on clothes. its a sick game that can be at play..the sizes the fits the fabric the feel.. all the rambled thoughts and emotions. then when ur all done u wish u never had clothes in the first place and throw on some sweats and a tee to feel 'at home' in ur skin again.

    thankfully, this truly does ease up over time and u can sort ur thoughts out and make sense of them to where u can try on any size and any type of clothing and think "you know what, this aint bad, it really isnt!" and thats such a relief to feel ❤


  3. ps. i couldnt have thought of a better post title! omg i love it ❤

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