Changes

Home made fimo beads

So much has changed since my last post. Some of the changes have been external, and some have been internal, some have been good, and some have been bad. As i realise now, this is simply how life is.

After the dream I mentioned in my last post, I have to admit it has prayed on my mind. I told my mum the nightmare, and she simply told me what I needed to hear: I am not far away from that point. Although I gained weight two weeks ago, in the last week, I have lost a large amount, and I am close to my admittance weight. If my therapist wasn’t on leave, my mum thinks I would already be in hospital.

So I have to promise to try, try to shout and scream my way against this life consuming disease. It has taken too much of my life. I am only half a year from turning 18, and honestly, I am nothing like an 18 year old. I am hardly over 10 at the moment. So with the support from the amazing people around me, combined with the beautiful words of inspiration that you provide, I think I am turning a corner.

Disgusting but necessary: both the chemistry and the ensure

My school work has really suffered over the past two weeks, with a lack of motivation and diminished cognitive function. I simply cannot let this happen any more, I have applied to university, I have put myself out there, in the hope of getting a place at medical school. Yet, what good would a place be at the moment? Because in reality, I would not be able to cope with the rigours of being a university student, let alone a medical student. But I cannot let this stop me from working to the best of my ability. Because it is only ED that wants me to get bad grades, not be able to leave home, continue in my spiral of negativity.

CBT homework

One step i have taken to change this is visiting a new therapist. She specialises in CBT and hypnotherapy. I know that hypnotherapy counts as an ‘alternative’ medicine, one that I had originally ignored, concluding that it was all making people quack and do silly things. Quite the contrary. This therapist filled me with hope. I have only had an introductory session, and already she has set me homework; something I have not yet experienced. That said, I am so nervous, or is ED nervous? I have an opportunity to become a more confident, happier person, I should welcome this experience with open arms. It was simply so refershing to see someone outside of my current treatment team, who didn’t lecture me about my weight or talk about school with me. I can only hope.

Well, I have to catch up on your lives, and prepare for more schooling. Much love.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Changes

  1. its never easy and it likely will never be, but over time as u take the steps needed it becomes a routine that benefits you and u really appreciate the health that uve been waiting for, for so long ❤

    not only does this apply to our bodies, but this can also apply to your studies as well. keep pushing forward trooper ❤ xoxo

  2. That’s great news that you are excited about your therapist…keep us posted!

    ~Missy

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