Falling over myself

After a turbulent few days, things were finally starting to look a bit better. And then, I took a tumble, quite literally, and things changed dramatically.

I will explain the story of the tumble first. I was walking through school at home time, rushing to get to my bike, eager to tackle my revision mountain. I was feeling okay, I had been having quite a good day. I noticed a big crowd of younger year boys, but due to the nature of their recent haggles, I tried to just keep my head down, keep walking, and focus on getting to my bike. The next few minutes were a blur, as I tripped over a foot intentionally stuck out by one of the boys. To say I went flying would be an understatement, all I know is, I landed with a thud, on my knees and hands. I quickly got up, and ran away from their laughter, trying to conceal my tears. I shook the whole way home, and when I saw my dad, cried uncontrollably.

I still cannot put my finger on what upset me the most. The humiliation of being mocked by boys younger than me? The massive whole in my new tights? The massive bruise on my knee and hand?

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Excuse the hairy legs, it's cold, I have eczema, it's cold and no one ever sees my legs!

Or how I let one thing ruin my entire day?

So now, as I sit and treat my wound with lots and lots of arnica, I wonder whether physical pain or emotional pain causes me the most turmoil. The physical pain will probably take me a few days to heal, and once the bruise has healed, I will no longer feel this pain. But the sadness, anger, humiliation it caused? That will probably stick around for a while longer. I just need to learn how to deal with it.

I am glad to say that I managed to still go to my group therapy, yet my heart just wasn’t in it. I sat and made bracelets with the other girls, yet barely muttered more than a whisper. I was just too sad. I couldn’t do my homework, or my revision, I spent most of my evening cuddling my mum and sobbing.

Unfortunately, this sadness has not passed, but I am working on pushing through all the negativity, attempting to remove the fog from my mind.

My group homework this week is to record three positive things that have happened on that day. So here goes:

1. I sorted my dads birthday present

2. I woke up to a beautiful sunrise

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Even if I got cold taking this picture, it was worth it.

Today, I could only think of two, but I hope as I continue to do it, it will get easier.

Thank you for reading this nonsensical post!

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Falling over myself

  1. i’ve been in the exact same situation. trust me, i have. i know how much it hurts and when little shitheads like that tease you it basically just ruins your whole day and leaves you in a funk, but you gotta remember that they’re immature brats and karma will catch up to them.

    i love you xxoo

  2. Two tings are better than nothin.
    The fact that you took the time to process the feelings you were having an try and cheer yourself up INSTEAD of mesing around with food or exercise is something, too.

    So there’s three. (0:

    Maybe your whole “mood” from these past few posts will shift gears once the interviews are all said and done. You know? You’re under stress.

    ~Missy

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