Sorry for being such a terrible blogger. School is so hectic right now, and I have been unwell for just over a week now, with a cold/flu/virus, that I cannot seem to shake. There is so much on my mind, so I decided to cuddle up, and hope the words flow out of my fingertips.
I have found myself overwhelmed by my thoughts recently. It really bubbled over on Sunday, and I felt literally possessed by disordered thoughts. They were screaming in every direction. It took a long time to calm down, and I think it upset my Mum a lot to have to deal with it. Lots of crying did not help my sore throat either!
So why have I been feeling like this? It is probably a reaction to several parts of my life. To start, my Mum has been discussing the steps I have to take to get better with me. Is it strange that even just talking about getting better means that ED flares up big time?
So what should I do? Mum wants me to try and push forward, especially if I really want to go to University in September (which I do!) I think she wants me to try to follow my meal plan, and maybe try new things, because it is getting to the point where I need to push forward, or I will have to go into IP.
Maybe it is all getting a bit real? Because I know that now is the time for change, or I will have to go to IP, which means giving up on my hopes and dreams of going to university in September, at the same as my friends. That and the fact that I have exams coming up in five weeks, which are very important, and currently, I do not have the mental strength to take them. Oh, and it is Christmas in twelve days, which means family, friends and a focus on food.
Ok, this is a rambly post, which is all over the place, and I am glad if you got through it. Any advice is much appreciated, I am feeling a bit lost!