Yesterday, I wrote a long post about how awful my Sunday was, and how it happened every Sunday, how I always ruined my mums weekend, how I hated myself for it. But instead of posting it, I decided to try to change things. Okay, so I ruined the weekend, this doesn’t mean I have to ruin the week. Okay, I haven’t gotten to the bottom of the problem, but I can try to change regardless.
So today, when my friends invited me to withdraw money for our holiday at break time, I said yes. Because I wanted to have a laugh with them, even if it was freezing cold.
Then later on, I tried recording a conversation between ED and I, on paper, so I could see it in black and white. I am proud to say it went okay, I still need to work on it, but making my recovery choices and anorexia choices chart has helped, and provided me with more ammunition.
Sadly, tonight I had my first rejection from a University. I am sad, scared and anxious about what this means. I worry that I will not get a place at university, and recovery will be for nothing. I need to stop defining myself by my academic achievements, but sadly, I seem to have nothing else to define myself by at the moment.