Excuses

‘I’m too busy with school work to focus on recovery’ ‘I can’t deal with the feelings of weight gain’ ‘There is no one around to help support me’ ‘I don’t get enough specialist help’ ‘I’m not strong enough’

Sound familiar? These are just a few of the hundreds of excuses that I have been making recently as to why I cannot truly commit to recovery. In a way, it saddens me, because all I can do is make one excuse after another, which leads to one crisis after another.

I’ve got some pretty big decisions to make at the moment, ones that will determine the next few years of my life, and I have to admit, I am crumbling under the pressure. Instead of facing my problems head on, making some rational decisions and trying my hardest; I have been crying, feeling like giving up, and causing emotional turmoil for my parents.

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This isn’t me. I remember when we were younger and mum always used to tell us ‘there is no such word as can’t’ and I believed her. I could do anything. Throw a 6 foot tall man? Sure. Sing in front of a room full of people? Easy. Hold down a relationship and still have loads of friends? Piece of cake.

I’m not that girl anymore. That saddens me, I can only just about keep everything together at the moment. Oh well, I suppose the only thing I can do is try. I need to dig in when things get tough and not run away. I’m going to have to fight sometime, might as well be now.

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My feet before my singing exam.

Do you struggle making decisions?

PS, thank you for your amazing words on my last post. Anorexia has such a fantastic way of sucking the life out of everything we do!

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Excuses

  1. I have been a compulsive binge eater for most of my life and I struggle with recovery as well. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to “give in” to my urges to binge and whatever happens with my weight happens. Sometimes it seems like such a struggle to eat healthy and exercise on a regular basis. But those are just excuses I make to myself and I try to realize that. Recovery is a very slow process that takes work. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier not to do the work, but giving in to the excuses will just make you feel awful about yourself, both physically and mentally.

  2. time for happiness

    I love this post. First of all to answer your question, yes I have the most horrid time with decisions ever. I sometimes wish we didnt ever have to make any, that they didnt even exist. But now onto your post, I think its great that you have this realization, and I want you to know that we can always be kids at heart, so listening to what your mom said back then is still fine! You can do this! Excuses are easy, and recovery is hard. But at the end of the day, you are so brave and I know that you can do this.
    <33 kimi

  3. time for happiness

    OH and also, I forot to add, theres quote you might really like:
    “It’s never to lat to be who you might’ve been”-Georg Elliot… I thought that was pretty fitting and it reminded me of you. You can do this.

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