‘I’m too busy with school work to focus on recovery’ ‘I can’t deal with the feelings of weight gain’ ‘There is no one around to help support me’ ‘I don’t get enough specialist help’ ‘I’m not strong enough’
Sound familiar? These are just a few of the hundreds of excuses that I have been making recently as to why I cannot truly commit to recovery. In a way, it saddens me, because all I can do is make one excuse after another, which leads to one crisis after another.
I’ve got some pretty big decisions to make at the moment, ones that will determine the next few years of my life, and I have to admit, I am crumbling under the pressure. Instead of facing my problems head on, making some rational decisions and trying my hardest; I have been crying, feeling like giving up, and causing emotional turmoil for my parents.
This isn’t me. I remember when we were younger and mum always used to tell us ‘there is no such word as can’t’ and I believed her. I could do anything. Throw a 6 foot tall man? Sure. Sing in front of a room full of people? Easy. Hold down a relationship and still have loads of friends? Piece of cake.
I’m not that girl anymore. That saddens me, I can only just about keep everything together at the moment. Oh well, I suppose the only thing I can do is try. I need to dig in when things get tough and not run away. I’m going to have to fight sometime, might as well be now.
Do you struggle making decisions?
PS, thank you for your amazing words on my last post. Anorexia has such a fantastic way of sucking the life out of everything we do!